Welcome to Honest Abe, here to advise on any student problems; be it relationships, studies, or any other drama. Just please don’t ask me about how to solve your homework!

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Dear Honest Abe,

I have been pretty close with one of my friends for a while now. Let’s call her Sandy. We used to hang out pretty frequently, and we would always be joking and laughing together. However, something has changed recently. She keeps poking fun at me in ways that I find more hurtful than funny. She has also been really flakey recently – she keeps canceling our plans without explanation. I’m not sure what has changed for her, but the way she is acting is pissing me off. Is there any way to salvage our friendship? I’m not sure if I even want to be friends with her at this point. Any advice?

Sincerely,

Sick of Sandy, 11th grade

Dear Sick of Sandy,

I’m so sorry your friend is acting like this, I know how it feels. There are many reasons that could explain Sandy’s behavior, but let’s give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she doesn’t mean to be hurtful. My best advice here is just talk to her. It’s very possible she just has something going on in her life and she doesn’t realize she’s making you feel this way.

Text her or talk to her, tell her that her jokes have been hurtful recently, and you want to make sure nothing is going on between you. Hopefully, she’ll say it’s nothing personal, she has her own issues going on and will apologize and commit to being kinder. In that case, ask her if there’s anything you can do to support her. But if she continues to be hurtful after apologizing, call her out. If it continues beyond that, it’s probably best to move on from her.

On the other hand, if she ends up having an issue with you, ask yourself if you want to be friends with someone who can’t communicate healthily when there’s a problem in their relationships. Of course, be kind to her. If you did do something to hurt her, then it would be best to apologize. Friendship breakups are extremely hard. I’ve been through a few and they hurt a lot. Remind yourself you deserve to be friends with someone who loves you and cares for you enough to communicate maturely.

I hope this helps you and that Sandy recognizes her effects on others.

Honest Abe