Welcome to Honest Abe, here to advise on any student problems; be it relationships, studies, or any other drama. Just please don’t ask me about how to solve your homework!

If you have any issues you would like advice on, please submit them anonymously here:

Microsoft Forms

Dear Honest Abe,

How do you know if your attraction to somebody is platonic or romantic? I think I might like my friend but I’m not sure and I’m so frustrated.

From,

Confused Caty, 11th grade

Dear Confused Caty,

That is a really difficult situation. Identifying your feelings can be tough, especially as a teenager. My fully honest advice? Don’t worry too much about it. However you feel about your friend, they are your friend, and you can still enjoy being around them. Let your feelings be, and they will naturally figure themselves out.

However, if this is really getting to you, there are a couple things you can do. Nearly every solution to this issue comes back to the same principle: self-reflection. No one else is going to be able to tell you how you feel about your friend. Take note of how often you think about this person when they aren’t around. Do you get butterflies just thinking about the next time you’ll see them? Do you play back your interactions with them in your head? Do you find yourself looking at this person a lot when you’re together? Some of these things alone can be attributed to caring for and valuing your friend, but most or all of them together generally indicates romantic feelings.

Ultimately, you might not know the answer to these questions right now. Allow yourself to explore your emotions, but don’t rush yourself to find an answer. This is definitely a confusing and frustrating situation, and it takes time to really feel your feelings.

Honest Abe

Dear Honest Abe,

My cousin, Simone, is going through a really hard time right now. She’s one of my best friends (my only cousin who is around my age) and I always try to be there for her. We have been having a lot of late-night conversations, which I know help her, but it’s affecting my sleep schedule and I’ve been super tired at school. I really love Simone and want to be her safe space, but I also need to get enough sleep to function every day. What do I do?

From,

Simone’s Supporter

Dear Simone’s Supporter,

I’m sorry your cousin is having a hard time, and I’m happy she has you to come to. But as you probably know, sleep is very important. It sounds like you are a really great friend, but you need to set boundaries for your own health.

The best way to do this is tell Simone you can’t stay up as late as you have been. Suggest a different time for you guys to call or text, maybe in the afternoons after school, or at least let her know you need to turn your phone off at 10pm (or whenever you like to go to bed). It’s very possible that she needs more sleep as well. Being sleep-deprived while also going through something tough and emotional is not a good mix.

Setting boundaries in your relationships is a very important skill to learn to keep your mind and body healthy. I think people are sometimes worried that setting boundaries might come off as rude or dismissive, but you can absolutely set them in a kind, yet firm way. Reiterate that you really care for Simone and want to help her however you can, just at a different time of day than when you’re currently talking or texting. I’m sure she will understand. If she doesn’t take it well, remember she is probably very high-strung and emotional right now. However, don’t let that deter you from keeping those boundaries strong. Kindness to yourself is just as important as kindness to others.

I hope Simone gets through this and you two can find a time to talk that works for both of you.

-Honest Abe