Once in a far away place, there was a beautiful mossy forest with the tallest of trees and the greenest grass. The sunlight peered everyday through the tree tops like a soft spotlight on the forests little creatures and mysterious ponds. It was all magical, everything sparkled. And in the midst of the forest was a rock. The rock was older than the forest itself, it had seen many things and for that reason it was an extremely wise old rock. Its humble appearance never made any traveler or treasure hunter inspect it closely. Until one day, when a man named Anthony D’Amico came across the rock. Exhausted from his journey on his bicycle he leaned against it. When his hand touched the rock a sudden blast of light shot out. The bright light forced him to close his eyes tightly just and when he opened, him and the rock were in a strange courtyard guarded by a black gate. The rock had teleported them to the faraway land of Seattle, and that is where the magical rock continues to reside today. The rock watches over Lincoln’s students, spouting its wise words to those who listen close enough.

Aries

It’s your time to shine, Aries. In late march, the Vernal Equinox moves us into the cusp of Aries. Are you being kind to yourself? It’s time to lay back, RELAX, and CHILL OUT. Counterbalance that fiery persona that keeps you up in arms with a nice cucumber water or sudsy bath. We want you going into your birthday season rejuvenated, happy, content, inspired, and invigorated. Breathe in that breeze of new opportunities and tranquility.

The Lincoln rock predicts that you may start harboring negative feelings towards the LHS horoscope this week, and wants to let you know they are sorry.

Taurus

Taurus signs should be looking to Rihanna this week, because you are about to work, work, work, work, work, work. Time to grind. It’s the week to start a new project, launch your new finger puppet business, plan a social event, or just bask in your own power and glory. Others might be scared; they might say finger puppets don’t sell, but you’ll figure it out.

The Lincoln rock predicts that you will unearth an oyster of opportunity this week.

Gemini

This is a good, average week for you, Gemini! Your curious disposition and need for action this week may rock the boat, though, as you will be slowly gliding down the lazy river of life. Practice some acceptance, Gemini. Go with the flow.

The Lincoln rock beckons you to the beach this week and asks that you dip your toe into the pool of possibilities.

Cancer

I’d like for there to be a week when this question didn’t have to be asked, but: are you okay, Cancer? Cancer need a hug this week. The emotions are high as we enter Aries on Thursday; Pluto enters Aquarius for the first time since the 18th century. Why is this important? Pluto is the planet that focuses on transformation, destruction, and renewal. Something is simmering and you are a teapot ready to blow. Find your safe space and get it all out on the table appropriately. You’ll feel better, probably learn more about your feelings, and strengthen relationships when you open up and talk about your feelings! Afterwards, you will be ready for the next steps towards new opportunities and happiness!

The Lincoln rock wants you to stop by and say hi to it, it misses you.

Leo

You need company and attention this week. It’s easy to get stuck on the problems present for you right now, but the best way to work your way out of those is with the company of others. Not just any company, though. Leo, are you choosing your company wisely? Spend time with the people who make you feel the most loved and valued this week. As the CEO of spotlights, you may not know this, but a duet is better than a solo. It takes more than two to line dance properly, so get out there and find what you need this week.

The Lincoln rock wants to remind you that your Aries friend’s birthday party is not the time for that duet.

Virgo

Alas, Virgo, the horoscope doesn’t have a clue what do with you this week. So, we have turned to some inspiring Pinterest quotes to get you through the week.

“A peacock that rests on his tail feathers is just another turkey.”- Dolly Parton

“Girlboss, gaslight, gatekeep.”

“Be yourself.”

“You have to be odd to be number one.”

The Lincoln rock predicts that you will sleep well this week. Nighty night!

Libra

There is a lot going on right now as you may have noticed, Libra. Your observant and engaged disposition has been pulling you in many directions the past month: too many interests, too many hobbies, or maybe too many concerns. It’s time to get grounded. Pull back from all the fires you’ve been extinguishing (or maybe starting) and figure out what’s up with you first and foremost. When you know yourself, the other unknowns can seem a bit more manageable.

The Lincoln rock requests that you listen to at least one Ice Spice song this week.

Scorpio

Are you having fun? Because you should be! This week is a great time to get your groove on and have some fun. It’s important to, in moderation, keep things light and positive. Keeping yourself happy is going to be good for this week. You could go bowling, spend time with friends, paint, play an instrument, or do whatever activity you find fun.

The Lincoln rock predicts that you will find a new friend this week.

Sagittarius

Has anyone ever told you how gorgeous you are? Probably. Sagittarius, the world is your runway this week. It is time to try new things: a new haircut, bangs, a different style, or a new attitude. Find what works best for you and expand off of that! This is an ok time for you to spend money as long as it’s going towards something bigger and better, like your new life goal of being a movie star or the project you’ve been working on for a while now.

The Lincoln Rock recommends you make a new song playlist.

Capricorn

The LHS Horoscope envisions you outside this week. As an earth sign, it’s important to stay connected to the elements, and with this great weather we’ve been having, now is the time to do just that. Go for a hike, and remember that it’s ok if you have to take breaks, because not everyone is a great outdoors explorer– especially on a vertical incline. You should get out there and feel the sun on your face — after you apply SPF 50 — and the wind in your hair. Your adventures will leave you feeling refreshed and rejuvenated.

The Lincoln Rock predicts that your walk up to the fourth floor this week won’t feel as hard as it always does.

Aquarius

On Thursday, Pluto enters Aquarius for the first time since the 18th century. Pluto’s transits tend to be felt societally, not personally. This is scary, Aquarius. We know. You might be shaking in your boots as this week presents you with tough decisions and hard feelings. We know you are bigger and braver than them, though, so use that emotional intelligence and rationality to stay afloat as you figure out whatever is going on.

The Lincoln rock urges you to drink more water.

Pisces

Palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, there’s vomit on his sweater already, mom’s spaghetti. Pisces, you are tired and worn down. It’s time to put yourself first. It’s time to shower, sleep, eat, drink more water, and maybe go on a mindful walk if that’s something that works for you. Take care of yourself:  self-love seems to be something you’re lacking, and that is not a sustainable practice!

The Lincoln rock warns you to stay away from birds this week.